I’m going to try to make this a series. Hopefully, it helps someone.
Let’s talk about role playing. No, not your I’m sick and need a hot nurse or the weird you’re my mom roles but the lanes and levels we take in relationships.
Now I by no means claim to be the “experts” from Married at First Sight or anything but I have noticed a lot within my generation and those afterwards. Somewhere in the gutters of “I need to be independent” and “I can wear skinny jeans and think it’s cool” we lost the importance and respect of individual roles.
Now what roles am I talking about? The roles of I make the money, you don’t? The roles of calling or emailing me because you like my blog but yet the purpose is to tell me here!? No, none of those. I’m talking about understanding your spouse is suppose to be on a higher level and more rightful to get the hidden parts of you than everyone else in your past.
This is going to sting a bit but let’s be real and let the pain of our neglectful natures set in. The first thing I want to discuss is – we’re a team.
Are we really? When one begins to get mad at the other because of little things that never were, does that solidify a team?
“I was expecting you to not be sleeping 6am but I don’t know why, you’d never wake up that early.”
“I don’t know why I wanted you to cook that dinner from scratch, you don’t know how to cook. I just got in my feelings about it.”
What the hell? Why are we allowing ourselves to expect something that’s not ordinary and then put each other down when we do? What about all of the little things, or even big things, we do as the roles dictate that makes us who we are? For example, I never tell my wife the food isn’t good or how to make it because she’s the cook in the house. If she forgets to buy some juice, I’m not going to make her feel like she’s a worthless wife because the fact of the matter is, she cooks the meals, takes care of the kids, handles the finances (yes, I leave my wife to tell our money where to go, it saved me a lot of money so kick rocks). However in the same respects, she shouldn’t put me down or get in her feelings for something simple when I work harder than ever, cut that bush of a yard, and always pay her the attention she needs just in case there is something wrong with her.
This is something marriages are missing, too busy wanting to give up and give in over small things. Too busy wanting to go out and do something stupid over the little things. Too busy to talk crap to your friends because you forgot who your spouse truly is. Marriage is hard, yes we know but it’s the people who make it harder. It’s also the people in the marriage that ends it prematurely or let’s it get so out of wack that it shouldn’t be a marriage at all. Because we get into our feelings, how can we take a small issue and make it overshadow the bigger, more prominent issues that reminds us why we married this person.
Stop mistreating each other over the spilled milk and let that same love you first had rejuvenate the gloss that makes the floor shine. Stop worrying about what wasn’t done and talk about it because just maybe everything that was done can be shifted to fix the issue instead of “deading” the issue.
When your spouse shuts down and starts thinking of those ex’s then what do you do? Or when they shut you out and you aren’t enough to break through those barriers, how are you going to deal with that?
The most important roles in a marriage is remembering the characteristics of the person you married. This is my wife/husband and she/he is great and does so much for me and this family that this small thing isn’t going to make me treat or see her/him differently.
Let’s get it together people.